F – Forgiveness

ad06Forgiveness – For years I have held onto my hurt and anger, not wanting to forgive others for what I perceived as them deliberately trying to hurt me.  Why should I forgive them?  They hurt me!  I wanted to get back at them, not forgive them!

Over time, I have realized that forgiving is not condoning or agreeing with whatever happened.  It is not saying that what they did to me was okay.   I now see that forgiveness really does not involve the other person at all.  It is actually a process of letting go.

F.file7181334521100[1]It is letting go of the emotions and stuck places regarding what happened so that it does not control me any longer. It is letting go of the hurt, the pain, the drama, the resentment, and the desire for revenge. It is letting go of self-righteousness and wanting to prove that the other person was wrong. It is letting go of the need to re-live and re-hash old issues, old hurts, old conflicts. It is letting go of the anger, agony, hatred, and feeling of being victimized or wronged. We tend to hold onto the acid of hatred, but it really only burns ourselves. Forgiveness is letting all of that go.

It is saying I will no longer hold onto it and carry it. I will no longer allow it to grip me by its sticky thorns and not let go. I now release it and set it free. And it is really about freeing myself.

F.file8741295012770[1]I’ve also learned that forgiveness is not always a one-time thing. There are times when I don’t just forgive someone, let it go, and then it’s done. Sometimes, especially with deep hurts or abuse, it comes up again and again, and it is an ongoing process, and I need to let it go many times. And that’s okay. We can let it go as many times as we need to.

Forgiveness also understands that we are all human, we are all struggling, and we are all doing our best. Usually when we hurt others, it is because we ourselves are hurting inside. It is from a place of fear and hurt, where we may feel weak or helpless, that we lash out.

F.IMG_3483There is always so much more to the story, and to other people, than we realize. No one is all good or all bad. And that perspective helps me to understand others. So when someone else tries to hurt me, I know there is more to it, and I let it go. I leave them to walk their path, to travel their journey, and I do not need to judge it. I can let it go, and free myself.

And please don’t forget to forgive yourself as well. For whatever wrongs you may have done, whether intentionally or accidentally. We need to forgive ourselves for not always getting everything right, for repeating mistakes, for screwing up, for not learning fast enough.  For not being perfect.  All of us are human, and none of us is perfect.  Forgive yourself for all of that.

I love the following Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness:

F.IMG_8640[1]

“If I have harmed anyone in any way
either knowingly or unknowingly
through my own confusions,
I ask their forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me in any way
either knowingly or unknowingly
through their own confusions,
I forgive them.
And if there is a situation
I am not yet ready to forgive,
I forgive myself for that.
For all the ways that I harm myself,
negate, doubt, belittle myself,
Tall Grassjudge or be unkind to myself
through my own confusions,
I forgive myself.”

 

Let us all forgive and let go.

Free yourself.

 

May we all live in peace, enveloped in Love.

Copyright © 2014 Lynn Miclea. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

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About Lynn Miclea

LYNN MICLEA grew up in New York and moved to California while in her twenties. A certified hypnotherapist, Reiki Master practitioner, and EFT (tapping) practitioner, with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, she spent many years working in the medical field and in various offices in an administrative capacity. She is also an accomplished musician and plays the piano at various senior facilities, where her music touches those who need it the most. After retiring in 2013, Lynn discovered a passion for writing, and she has become a successful author with ten books published. Two of her books are powerful memoirs, and eight are uplifting and fun children’s animal stories about kindness, believing in yourself, seeing the best in those around you, and helping others. Lynn believes that the best thing we can do in this world is to help each other. She hopes that through her writing, she can help encourage people to show more kindness and compassion to everyone around them. She asks everyone to be kind to each other as we all share this journey through life together. Lynn currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband and two dogs. For more information - please check out her website at www.lynnmiclea.com - thank you!
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6 Responses to F – Forgiveness

  1. greyzoned/angelsbark says:

    Amen! I’ve always had a hard time with forgiveness. Not so much as I get older but there are still festering resentments that goad me some days. And your point about forgiving ourselves is a good one: I can spend so much energy beating myself up and frankly, that’s exhausting! Great post and words of wisdom.

    • Lynn Miclea says:

      Thank you, Michele! I actually have a hard time with forgiveness, too. There are some things I can let go of, and others I still have a hard time with. And yes – forgiving ourselves is so important – thank you for your comment! ❤

  2. Sammy D. says:

    You are right that the deepest hurts take longer to fully let go. We are definitely healthier if we are able to forgive. I’ve also learned we can forgive without letting someone who hurt us back into our lives.

    • Lynn Miclea says:

      Sammy, thank you for your comment, and I agree – sometimes it is best to forgive and let go, and not let some people back into our lives. And it is good to know when to do this. Always trust your gut. ❤

  3. renatabu says:

    Wonderful post Lynn. You bring up such an important point about remembering to forgive yourself. We are so much better and taking care of others and forgiving them, than taking care of ourselves and forgiving us. Thank you!

    • Lynn Miclea says:

      Thank you for your comment, Renata. I agree – we are so much better at taking care of others, loving others, and forgiving others, and we can be so hard on ourselves. Thank you so much for your kind words! ❤

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